Coincidence or premonition?
A morning warning sparked by a vivid nightmare turns into an evening reality, testing the deep vulnerability and unspoken fears in my first responder marriage.
I woke up remembering pieces of the dream I just had. There’s a large fire and either my husband died or his life was in danger, all I know is I kept looking for someone to come tell me what happened. A note for those not familiar with this protocol, a first responder can assign a specific person to notify their family in the event of injury or death. Greg and I agreed to keep this person anonymous so that I wouldn’t think something happened any time I saw them when Greg was on tour. My brain has decided it’s one of the best men from our wedding, so that’s who I kept looking for in my dream.
My husband and I had a brief text exchange in the morning. He was at the station and I was at home with the kid and pup. I told him I had an awful dream about him and asked that he be extra cautious today. I don’t know if it’s possible for Greg to be any more cautious than he already is, but he responded “Will do.”
The day passed with a few connection points by phone or text. Then we had our nightly check in.. here’s a paraphrase of that call where we talked about his day.
Me: Any interesting calls today?
Him: We had a fire that we were at for a few hours.
Me: How many stations showed up?
Him: About 10.
Me: Oh wow, must’ve been a big one. Was it a residential or commercial building?
Him: Yep.
Me: Those are two different kinds of buildings
Him: There were apartments and some stores.
Me: Oh. Did you have to go in?
Him: Yes.
Me: Do you have to clear every room? How does that even happen? I guess if you have a lot of people you can probably cover a lot of ground.
Him: You would think that, but we weren’t able to get to all the rooms before it got bad and we had to get out.
Me: That sounds like it could be scary. Did you feel scared or were you confident through the whole thing?
Him: It was challenging for sure, but I wouldn’t say I was scared. There was a lot of stuff that we could get tangled in.
Me: Oh.
Him: Everyone was accounted for outside. The building is gone though.
Me: I know there’s a lot of information you’re leaving out, but I appreciate you telling me about a challenging call. I’m able to hear more if you want to tell me sometime, but I’m also OK if you choose not to.
Him: I appreciate that.
The unspoken part as reported by me: My heart is racing, making the connection between my dream and what transpired during the day. I imagine the scene like I’m watching a moving with Greg in his gear going through the building with the crew I care about. My brain briefly creates multiple scenarios, some terrifying, others relieving. I’m choosing my words carefully, keeping a slow pace. I think three questions but ask only one. I’m holding curiosity and fear simultaneously. I feel something shift for our relationship, like he’s being more vulnerable than before. The more vulnerable I become with my spouse and the more deeply I love him, the more terrified I am of potentially losing him.
The unspoken part as reported by him: That text this morning was weirdly timed, but honestly, it did not stay in my head throughout the day. It didn’t show up when we were inside of the building on fire and moved to areas of with no visibility. It didn’t show up when the events of the incident weren’t going as planned. It showed up hours later during our nightly check in. It showed up as a strange coincidence that others might call a premonition. I appreciate she’s not digging for more information. I’m just glad we check in every night.
Was this dream a coincidence or a premonition? Maybe something akin to intuition? I’d probably say just coincidence had I not experienced other situations like this in the past.
Take what you want from this and leave the rest. It was too wild of an experience not to share. Hopefully it’ll be relatable for those first responder couples who have had similar experiences.
For anyone interested, this was the March 22 fire that destroyed a multi-unit apartment building in west Toledo.